The Rays of the Sun Heal the Vibes of Narcissism
Good morrow and have a lovely week!
I know mine is great already. I am heading towards Modul - the coffee shop I love most in Bucharest. And guess what? Sun is up! It’s an amazingly sunny and beautiful morning. The Sunny light gives me insight and takes me Home. Alas, morning inspiration!
What is Damascus but Sun? What is Sun, but Love and Light?
My main objective for this first week is to write the introduction of the book. Yes, I have the structure. Yes, I have been receiving information about it, and thank God the creative flow is loose and on the go. And so am I. Who knows? This tender morning might be a manifestation of my objectives.
You see the introductory part is very important as it takes place in the womb of Damascus. So that the morning Sun has Mariam – the character of the book deployed on the vast balcony of their Oriental Style Vila. Two streets away there’s the house of Mali Duma. Two years before, as her father was speaking to his brother over Skype, she learnt that this “guy” she knew of, due to this very beautiful vila of his, had been the chief of the Syrian intelligence. Dear God! They surely did have neighbors.
Back on the balcony, Mariam is walking her worm-toy Labiba from one side of the balcony to the other. Every now and then, she’d stop to bathe her hair in the rays. Little did she know of all the outburst which was to follow. Still, she had learnt at a very early stage to connect to the rays of Damascus to compensate for the lack of love of her emotionless mother; and of the people surrounding her.
In the Oriental tradition, the mother figure is nurturing and loving.
Nevertheless, the narcissist gene is there to hit the scene. And when it makes its entrance, irrespective of gender, religion or race, it burns like hell. The damage caused to the child’s brain is immense. The recovery takes years.
“How can anybody love me if my own mother doesn’t?”
“How can I be beautiful if my mother looks at me in an ugly manner?
“Can I be clever if my mother says I am stupid?”
And “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” asks Karyl McBride in her book “Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers”: “emotional and physical neglect send you the message that you don’t matter. The message she gave you over and over again is that you were invisible”. “I wonder why I was born, why did God give me to her when she didn’t want me?”
When a flower doesn’t bloom you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower
To my belief, it takes rays and rays of sunshine, true friendship and most importantly, moments of true love to heal. In truth and in feeling. Yet narcissism and gaslighting are topics that need much more space. So they are to be developed, some other time.
True Love is the best painkiller and trauma healer. “Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme” love has always saved the day.
The Heavenly Sun comes anon. The bigger the Body Light, the higher the protection. A gift from God!
You see when destiny throws a child in the fierce claws of a mother incapable to express and render feeling and emotion, Spirit gives the soul the means to survive and even overcome the experience. An antidote available for and activated by the inner world of the child - the inner mother.
The day comes when the child looks at his incubating mom and thinks: Who is she? Who is this stranger?
The “positive” side of this devastating experience is that one learns to see the true colors of people. Growing up lacking love, urges the girl seek love and truthfulness in her romantic relationships; two traits difficult to find nowadays.
Yet, impossible is nothing.
Since she is a good judge of character, she won’t take any bullshit. After all, she had been raised like a soldier, amidst the dryness of the desert rose. The narcissist mother generates a competition between her children for the big prize – her Love. In the long run, this strategy turns catastrophical for the health and balance of each child, not to mention the proper functionality of the family as a whole.
At times, the narcissist mother can turn out to be a great mentor and a good friend.
The girl outsources this love. If lucky enough, a “Monsieur Madeleine” crosses her path and enables her to regenerate the brain and make it through, just like Cosette did. Unexpectedly, she manages to find herself a mother with a cucumber, a banana instead of a strawberry. There are maternal men out there, who don’t have children. So the girl - the daughter of the universe is cared for. At her own turn, she take good care of her outsourced auxiliary family and provides knowledge.
Moreover, since her feelings hadn’t ever been appreciated, she’d develop a personal code to never use anybody’s feelings .
Especially when it comes to guys. Hence she’d seek tranquility and balance, the lover with a twist of playfulness, and definitely not the player “coherently” full of himself and his potency.
Blood makes us relatives, Love makes us Family
And once healed, it seems as if this once Purgatory-like experience wasn’t hers, in the very beginning, but someone else’s path. It’s like it didn’t happen to her in the very first place. All along, she’s been the spectator of someone else’s life through a kind of touch proof window glass, protected by the impenetrable walls of the high vibration.
Unfortunately, chronic narcissism is a trait found in various peoples. Psychology has it as a serious pathology. So complex a subject it is that shrinks and psychiatrists tend to study the subject, thoroughly.
Besides, every single soul has its 144 soul nomad.
So that the Law of Compensation is hopefully active for everyone, out there.
And our soul tribe always reaches their kindred in Divine Timing. Thus we are never truly alone. But sooner or later, always in the arms of the loving Sun.
Go back to the womb. Describe the root.
That makes Chapter No.1
The Sun of Damascus – the alter mater
What about you?
What is Home to you?
Photo Credit: Melissa Askew for Unsplash
The post was meant to describe the sunrays. However, this is how it flowed, this time.