“The path isn’t a straight line: it’s a spiral. You continually come back to things you thought you understood and see deeper truths” – Barry H. Gillespie
For me, the leitmotif of 2019 has been about this spiral.
About being sent back to major two circumstances, both of which, I haven’t envisaged, not even for a second. It’s like I am in this very same spot, only that I have levelled up to a different dimension.
2019 is the year I have had to come back to where the cycle started. The first drop-off was Istanbul, at the beginning of the year, and afterwards, my father’s house. I have lived alone for years and it was quite of a challenge.
According to the Arab tradition, divorcees are not to live alone. From where I am sitting right now, there’s nothing to worry about. A great majority of Orientals in Europe don’t need commitment, because they have access to it all, already. They live the European way. As for Europeans, well…
According to me, I love my personal space, because I didn’t have it. We are a crowded family. And I was raised in the Arabic culture. Thus personal space was a foreign notion for me, until 9 years ago. I was bit of a shock when I first embraced it. I will be developing on it, some other time. Most probably, next year, when I am keen on travelling the Middle East. I shall sail to the Far East … speak of all the spices of heritage and traditions.
With the Arab/ Damascene tradition as a girl, one doesn’t get to live by herself before she gets married. So the self-discovery journey begins late, or with a delay, or ...
To my belief, it’s very important to know what you like and love in this life.
Be acquainted with one’s personal boundaries in order to be able to set them for the people around.
This marks a huge difference between the Western and the Arabic cultures. And I am looking forward to imagining related petals of stories to be cherished here, on Damascene Rose.
Times have changed.
I met a different Istanbul. That’s the charm of the chameleonic City of the Breeze… Alas turquoise salty breeze of the Bosphorus!
The moment one gets on the plane, one can expect everything. For instance, one lands on the Atatürk Airport, only to take off from the new airport in Arnavut Köy. Just like that!
One walks on the winding streets of the Sülemaniye neighbourhood, only to discover authentic Oriental gentlemen such as the muhtar - neighbourhood representative or the shop owners…
That Oriental sieve which reminds me of my uncles in Damascus.
As for landing back at my father’s, yes, I could see much deeper truths about the story and feel it on my skin how much I have grown into me, the authentic me.
I have brought out my essence, my Damascene petaly vibe.
And it’s as if I woke up to the soundtrack of Damascus. With baba, my dearest father, keynotes of Arab classics danced their way through, every morning…
Altogether, 2019 is the year I have come across people from my recent past, professional life or ex-colleagues only to realize that I have never belonged.
In truth, I like to think that multiculturalism gives us the benefit of perspective.
It’s the land of great opportunities!
What is rejected over here is fully accepted over there.
They call you crazy. You get on that plane and upon landing, you are only welcome with petals of magic and love.
“That’s such a bad idea!” And Australia sends in the e-mail reading “What a brilliant idea! You must be thrilled!”
The people around you keep spitting their fierceness into your face and as you walk by the Straights, the breeze of the heart fully caresses you.
Europe says you’re like this and like that, the Orient says “What a heart!” The Orient replies “You? Your brain? Were you truly capable of thinking that through? And then Europe adds: “You are enlightened. That’s vision!”
“Yes, that’s how men behave in the Middle East. They beat the feathers out of you. And you put up with all of it!"
“You stubid! My man – God rest his soul in peace, used to caress me with petals of roses and jasmine. What do you know about us? Mind your own business and your drunkard lover!”
Stories… Endless petals of stories …
Patience, my dear. We’ll go on debating in 2020
Tale as old as time,
Song as old as rhyme,
And the mirroring effect never ever comes to and end.
Fares told Mariam: “Men are left behind”
Mariam answered: “Maybe men leave themselves behind.
Maybe men are not able to make three coherent steps one after the other.
Analytics say you are there, watching.
I am also watching the rays of your vibration.
Once I move forward, I won’t look backwards.
It’s only logical… tick tack, tick tack.
So keep hibernating, baby!
I won’t, babe!
Then move it, move it, baby!
I am trying to, babe!
Fares doesn’t answer. The discussion goes on amidst the Garden of Roses.
The lessons of 2019… I’d rather call them achievements:
♣ Relax and chill
I was crazy to work myself to burn-out.
This year I have learnt how to relax, by Divine force.
I have been busy getting unbusy!
God has commanded me to, by not allowing me to budge.
My plans for relocation encountered many hindrances.
Many! Till now …
I have walked, written and spent a lot of time in nature. What about you? How did you meditate?
Time for myself meant time for ♣ BOOKS ♣
Among all the books I have read this year, my top three are:
♦The Three Daughters of EVE by Elif Shafak
Looking forward to reading her latest release – 10 Minutes 38 Seconds in this Strange World
♦Only Fools Die by Mario Puzo
♦The Return by Victoria Hislop
Amazing books crossed her path, not by chance.
So many synchronicities
Bringing about felicity
Urging her to write about them soon, very soon.
♣ The tough CHALLENGE of 2019 ♣ WAITING hence PATIENCE
Never have I imagined I’d wait for so long for one piece, just one piece to move.
And the more I think of it, the better I realize that all the fuss is just for one piece of the puzzle to budge. And that in a way, it’s about high time it did.
Never have I imagined I could be so patient, so infinitely deeply patient.
At times, it’s been tough. Miraculously, I seem to hang on … I have always known it. Yet, I haven't gotten acquainted with its depth. My patience seems to be like an onion. It runs deep. I hope, with all my heart, that I won't be forced to discover how deep it is.
The waves of vibration are swinging like ebbs and flows.
It’s like something is coming along … before long …
So yes, 2019 has been about patience and impatient patience, and waiting. And waiting. And waiting …
Before long, she'll receive the envelope
News brought in by the dove
♣ THE final DECLUTTER
The removal of the reminiscences of all toxicity, to allow for the roots of the roses to unfold freely.
Thorough DECLUTTER of the wardrobe – CHECK
It started at the end of last year. Continued in Istanbul. Resumed in Bucharest.
I’ve left it all behind.
Mission accomplished. Alhamdullilah.
Final thorough DECLUTTER of people – CHECK
Empty spaces waiting to be filled … Ready.
♣ The most important of it all ♣ ALIGNMENT
I have raised my vibration to new heights. And I am thinking of Wuthering Heights.
It’s been quite of a process. So intense that, at times, I couldn’t move.
The body light increased, and increased, and increased till it stepped out of the cocoon.
And my feeling is that till now I have been shown “you are not these persons, these situations”, “you don’t belong in here” and so on, and so forth, so that when what’s aligned with myself tunes in, I’ll know for sure it's what I want. And that it makes me truly happy. 100%!
Thank you, 2019!
What a feeling! The feeling of a newborn...
And I can’t wait for what’s next!
2019, farewell! Stay blessed!
2020, I am warming up
Sailing to the the Middle East.
Imagining stories in each of the Arab states...
So many stories, so little time!
And there is the BOOK. The making of the book, to be indulged fully …
2020, come on baby light our fire!
Twenty - twenty
Fill our pockets with money
Our hearts with Love and Bliss
all along this Magical Christmas
There was this one beautiful soul she had once met by the Straights.
It was as if landed from the Garden of Roses. Only the soul didn’t come from their garden.
Spoke none of her mother tongues, and yet, en premier spoke the language of her soul. Read her feelings and her mind, effortlessly.
Two hearts alike once met and there was only magic to it.
A maze story to be recounted in the Book.
After years of war, eventually there was sunshine.
Time comes back…
The Sun will rise again.”
♥ ♥ ♥