We've always defined ourselves by the ability to overcome the impossible. And we count these moments. These moments when we dare to aim higher, to break barriers, to reach for the stars, to make the unknown known. We count these moments as our proudest achievements. But we lost all that. Or perhaps we've just forgotten that we are still pioneers. And we've barely begun. And that our greatest accomplishments cannot be behind us, that our destiny lies above us.
11:11:11 — I Am Walking On Star Sand... Can You Imagine It?
… and so it seems that I have always searched for something.
All along. Every moment of the past decade.
The flame had me going on — searching.
I’ve had no idea what I have been searching for. Nevertheless, I have been searching, and searching.
For… something. Something was missing. For… someone. For there was no one.
Now I realise that I haven’t been searching for a new country, but for a new environment.
For a brand new dimension — it seems.
It’s a SHIFT!
A dimension of the awakened, of the people with a shiny twist — as I like to call them. Cu zvac!!!
I have had no idea that the 11:11:11 code I bear in my veins shall have me manifest a brand new constellation, perhaps?
May I call it the 11:11:11 dimension?
This is how his starry soul has felt — like a new constellation.
This is where the sphere of his writings have deployed me — on a new galaxy.
Habibi, I’m talking real magic. Are you feeling me?
Habibti, I’m saying not only stars have reached the threshold of my door when the COVID-19 pandemic hit keeping me indoors, but the Moon Herself. And the sparkling and glowing souls. Yes, one could have the Twilight series as a reference.
However - since this feels so real, it's as if I were literally walking on star sand. This is the ethereal power of the souls and of the amazingly beautiful minds.
A decade had to pass.
I’ve had to change 9 houses in two cities. A continuous bouncing of back and forth.
Get on, get off the plane. Change after change. The hurricane!
My heart had to bleed and bleed until the pain had numbed my senses.
You see…I’d been planted amidst emotionally amputated hearts. The will of the implacable destiny!
Fried and boiled for so many times, my heart had to revive from what was left of it. Dryness. A desert rose surviving the arid howling desert.
Alhamdulillah, the balm of roses my Mother Source - Damascus has kept pouring in the palm of my hands has worked wonders. Always.
We all have our corolla of soulmates — out there. You most probably know it. Have known it.
Little did I know at the time, that we all have several soulmates in the corolla.
Nobody has taught me of this. In the Arab tradition the idea of hanging out with a guy triggers tremor and hubbub. Sex? — baboom!!!
A guy? A dick? Nino, Nino. Ring the alarm!!!
Are you feeling the tension already?
And yet — would you believe that my father’s Muslim family weren’t reactive with my divorce, but rather supportive, whereas European Romanians have had reactions resembling the elasticity of the Saudi Arabian deserts, let’s say? I had no idea people could have such traditionalist, closed, suffocating approach, deprived of elasticity and open-mindedness, given it's an opposite, different, European Romanian culture!??
Where I come from, the guy steps in and tells the father I’m into your daughter. I’d like to get to know her. So they get engaged… in order to go out and about. Should they get along, they get married.
You see this Damascene tradition is not only about the Muslim religion forbidding sexuality outside marriage. But rather, it’s a code. A tribal code, if you will.
The moment you’ve touched… losing yourself into the 1001 mysteries of love, she becomes his “milady”. Not "the I will think about it if I want you or not”. I disappear above cloud eleven and land again on the 7th, and you open the doors as if nothing has ever happened.
I’ve heard and witnessed stories… many of them. Coming up next… soon!
I am a hybrid alright. If you asked me "what do I make of all this", well... it’s quite simple:
Either you love or not.
You feel or not.
I have travelled a lot on my own. Lived alone. This is an exception in our entire family tree on both sides Romanian and Arab. In the Arab tradition, the divorcee does not live alone. Her “cookie” ought to be “guarded” by the male/ family presence. The notion of personal space for ladies is also limited to inexistent in the Arab - Oriental realm. I will be writing a post on this.
I’ve met and worked with many guys.
If one asked me how many times I have been "touched" on an ENERGETIC level, my answer would be too seldom.
For me, unless his kindness, vibration, and way of being touch me, the physical is out of the question.
Of course, I wouldn’t want to be married to a guy I can’t coexist with. Yet I wouldn’t live with a guy as a married couple outside marriage, either.
However, I am saying that I have both energetically and soul-wise landed amidst a brand new constellation. And it’s enchanting! I feel an orphan no more. I feel detached no more.
Connectivity feels priceless.
We may be scattered around the globe, yet I feel all of my soulmates - right over here.
The moment one decides to give up the old, they have no guarantees regarding the new.
I surely didn’t. When I got on the plane back to Bucharest, burning down the bridges of the marriage… Did you feel that?!? Are you seeing Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek stepping out of the fire? Burning down... Desperada!
Allow me to rephrase it: The bridges had already been burnt to the ground. I had the courage to make the call and save my life. And I thank God at least 1001 times for supporting and guiding me through. I could even dare say that God had me go through the divorce. And that God has been my best supporter. Thank you, God! I like to think that we’ve always been good friends.
I believe that I feel ready, in the mood to write on marriage and divorce, now that I am no longer harassed about it. About the stories we make of these two topics. Not what actually happens.
And most importantly, what people imagine of it. I mean me and my blood family of relatives in Romania, we form two parallel universes. There is no bridge between us, but a huge large crater.
In a nutshell, it’s something like this:
“I imagine that… about you and that’s it. Final. Full stop. I = WE know better. Don’t you speak, WE already KNOW better. We were there with you in your bedroom. And when you went to Greece. When you had that fight in the kitchen. And most importantly, when you boiled the potatoes.
WE know it ALL."
“How?!? For God’s sake? How?!?”
“We have imagined it,” says the attitude.
What happened to asking? Imagining is the new fashion, I guess.
I had no idea what I would create and manifest.
I was all alone in the 00:00:00 dimension.
It’s been dry… and boring. Until now.
There was not even a wrenched soul around. But for the emerald miracle- Froggy Frog #Monsieur Madeleine landing from a different country, every now and then. Sweetest Froggy Frog.
Yet — I’ve had myself.
So I have grown into learning to love myself.
Waking up into a New World where I feel that there is a family of mine, thinking and feeling not necessarily alike, but rather on the same frequency with me and my “SELF”, feels reinvigorating. Truly.
What do I mean by “on the same frequency”?
I mean that I don’t get lost in translation. I don’t get bored translating my soul:
While I’m in urgent need for attention and tenderness, he is busy renovating the house and buying furniture.
I tell Julieta — mother, it’s raining outside. She understands it’s all sunshine and rainbows.
What else? That I strive and literally stretch my brains out to create an innovative marketing system for my business. And guess what? The gentleman with an exquisite insight had one very important particle of the system blown away, literally, with a remote control. A “gentleman” I don’t actually know. I was forced into understanding that he was into me, because he’s had me followed all around Bucharest, suffocating and strangulating the very idea of personal space.
At present, I am feeling kinda soul naked because I don’t have to speak to be understood.
I don’t have to let anybody in. They are already part of the constellation.
Furthermore, I am being taken far away to a brand new galaxy of souls: here in Romania, there in India, here in the Middle East, and there in the starry kingdom of his magical soul, surrounded by stars and the exquisite presence of the Moon.
It’s a realm where my 11:11:11 energy isn’t the highest. Nor the most vibrating. Not anymore.
There are energies and BRAINS dominating through their sheer presence and absence, and I like that. Very much. Where I am at, I FEEL. And that’s a blessing! I FEEL… Could you feel that? The feeling I mean.
How about you?
Have you ever thought of your dear ones as stars and planets of your own personalised constellation?
While you think of it, be in the knowledge that I am lost in my brand new 11:11:11 constellation, walking on enchanted star sand…