Eleven Thoughts on Writing and Books
Happy International Writers’ Day and Happy World Book Day.
Hopefully, I am becoming a writer one sweet day.
In the here and now, every word I happen to express brings me infinite joy and mirth.
As far as I am communicating, I am alive.
I am alive means that, with discipline, will power, and infinite grit, one fine day, I shall become a writer. God willing.
If not, I shall remain the storyteller amidst my corolla of the Damascene Rose, where I feel Home.
I had started using mantras and affirmations to raise the vibration of my life and to facilitate my walk on the challenging path of writing as of 2019. I had written before, yet not that intentionaL.
My mind was into the business I’d created.
Following the aforementioned daily routine of affirmations and mantras, one fine day, I became acquainted with a writer. An exquisite Soul from Romania.
As undefined as it may be at times, "putting up" with a soul-writer, surely is soul rewarding.
I say putting up, because I don’t know when he will be reverting to me, how to cope with him, or how he perceives or receives my messages.
I release the message, wait and then receive the ripples of the message conveyed, when and as they come.
Knowing he is there gives me a different kind of peace of mind. It's as if I have stepped into a brand new dimension…
Being seen for who I am, as I am, and UNDERSTOOD, fully… I mean — that’s… a M-I-R-A-C-L-E.
It all happened when I have become INTENTIONAL about writing. Life offered me an opening and I made sure to squeeze in. Luckily, I have got lovely company.
“Write "what" should not be forgotten.”
The mantras on writing did pay off in different ways, as well. I have tried to reduce the benefits — writing has brought into my life, to eleven:
After one year of writing, almost, every day, I feel lighter.
As if I have dropped off all the unnecessary excess of my life.
I have become more self-aware of who “I am”, who “I am not”.
What “I feel”, what “I feel not”.
What “I want”, what “I want not”.
This is alignment in a nut-shell. The drop-off of what does not pertain to the self.
I show up, intentionally, in front of my computer or my notebook.
I stare at the blank page… and keep staring.
My mind afloat something must show up. It has got to show up.
And I am mindful to write it down.
I have good days, and then, there are those nasty days when writing is so difficult.
Ideas get stuck. So stuck that I get frustrated.
Hence I vibe, listen to music — soundtrack main themes mainly, to unlock the block.
Irrespective of the outcome of the day, I return to writing every following now, and every following day.
Writing can turn into a very frustrating experience, at times.
I have time, I have the means, and a steaming cup of coffee smiling at me. And — I cannot write. That’s... not like it. It’s awful!
There is one way though — going on... writing!
Never, ever giving up — on writing.
Unlock the lock.
Unblock the block.
Stumble — resume, start over. Stick to the process.
Jump back into your senses like a bouncing ball every single word, and then every single page of the story. I tell myself to hang in there. Hang in the moment and bounce back to the story. Follow its path and guidance.
“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” Jack London
4. Enhancing my energy management
Creating and managing a business, at my worst, during the darkest hour of my soul — depression, has forced me to learn that it’s very important to perform when I am having a peak of energy. That fade ray of energy was supposed to have me give away substance and shape to the strategy and the system of the business.
Even better, writing has had me enhance the dosage of energy.
Speak less. Stay away from arguing. So when Julieta — mother, says this and that, I choose to keep silence. It works wonders, every single time.
When I am in a state of flow I stop everything and focus on the ideas.
I don’t stop until the state of flow is over.
Sometimes it’s not the hours we spend on something. It’s that one golden minute. That 10% can give away a tremendous success.
And if I cannot write in the morning, I reorganise my entire day in order to make room for writing. Thus I manage my energy level.
5. A Better Focus
When I get under the characters’ skin, intertwine in the thread of the story, I forget myself.
Time stands still. There are words, the pleasure of writing and that’s it.
Everything around me vanishes. I find myself alone in the coffee shop.
All the humans arounds me turn invisible.
I flow with the keynotes of the syllables focusing on every now of the story.
As I find myself dancing with the moment of writing, nothing stands between us.
I give it my 100%. And that’s focus!
Baby if I told you…
There is a certain stillness involved when it comes to writing.
Except for words and for the movement in the story, it’s me sitting by the table and that blank page.
Stillness and zero attacks or intense peaks of adrenaline caused by external factors have worked wonders for my recovery. And for this — I am infinitely grateful.
It was the bloody war out there, in the past decade. Smashing bullets coming from everywhere.
Not enough buckets… not enough buckets to contain “it”.
That bloody decade is gone. The moment has miraculously brought healing, to me.
And I do bear my prayers and thoughts of love and hope for Syria and Yaman, and for all the Children of the World, on every bead of Her Holy Rosary. How could I not?
You ought to know by now that I come from the Rose, the Damascene Rose.
7. Express myself, go express myself
As a hybrid, a biracial, I have been compelled not to “shine” my light in Romania, because I’d be ruled out even more, from all circles.
Moreover, during high school, the Romanian classes didn’t urge us to express ourselves using our own words.
Along the way, I have expressed myself in English and Turkish, alone. To the extent that, one day, a gentleman speaking both of my mother tongues invited me out to have tea.
I was astonished when I found myself answering him in Turkish. Not in Arabic, nor in Romanian.
Also, keeping my mouth shut has been the best solution in coping with mother.
Hence I have learnt that silence is the best self-defence mechanism and energy saver. Speak not unless you want your narcissist mother to react, be misunderstood by your blood sisters, piss off your partner, or male business partners. Hence, I have alternated keeping silent with staying in the shadow.
Only that, how can I express myself with ease, and write, if no one will allow me to speak? If not my blood mother, nor society, partners or ...?
Writing has removed this once upon a time "fist" which would block me from speaking.
Today, I can express myself.
Isn't that cool?
8. A better connection with my thoughts and feelings
Writing has enabled me to explore and discover hidden chambers of my being.
Alongside walking and chakra cleaning, writing and journaling turned out to be the best form of meditation. All in all, this has urged me to discover a brand new world within me.
9. The feeling of belonging… and of connectivity
Ever since I have begun writing, intentionally, I’ve felt alone no more.
It’s as if new worlds have opened to me. Writing has justified my presence alone in restaurants or coffee shops. I have commenced having a sort of social life in Romania. I’d exchange hellos at the coffee shops. I have met new people and I know that this only the very beginning of a wonderful journey. And I am feeling a fantastic connectivity with the universe. Synchronicities follow me everywhere and I am being guided, every step of the way. I love it! I love feeling connected to people walking the same path as me.
Something has changed inside of me.
I feel at ease with myself. Not focusing on my being alone or single (it seems I am counting the last moments of this), and the expectations of people regarding how my life ought to look like, because I am almost 39... has uplifted my spirit. My focus has shifted.
I have learnt to contemplate people in coffee shops, in parks, at the super market. The supervisors in super markets feel eager to give a helping hand as I search the shelves for dark chocolate.
It must be the glow of my hair. Since my smile is hidden under the mask.
Maybe they feel it too. My being relaxed as I contemplate life.
When I write, I feel carefree and happy.
Writing has brought happiness and joy into my life.
In 2019, I looked toward the Skies, begging for space and time, just to breathe. I needed to breathe. I had to breathe. It was a must!
And I got a 2-year breather: one for my personal recovery and one to get used to the process of writing and springing the faucet of writing open.
As for books… books have saved my life. Books have been my best friends. And books have never failed me. Though I hope writing shall be the summer of my life, books are by right — the spring season.